This post was brought to you by April Fools Day 2014

Plot Hog is a unique writers’ tool that I am proud to unveil for you today. Unlike previous writing aids discussed on this blog – such as Story Forge and Google Maps – this is a revolutionary technique of my own invention.

I can guarantee that incorporating Plot Hog into your work will change your writing forever. You will never look at an index card the same way again.

What is Plot Hog?
Currently in its fourth month of development, Plot Hog is a relatively simple technique which capitalises on the prior successes of notable individuals like Punxsutawney Phil and Paul the Octopus.

It is particularly useful for those times when you haven’t a clue who the murderer is but you have a deadline tomorrow. It’s also fantastic for choosing which character to kill off in your season finale (If you’re feeling particularly Whedonesque, you can use this every couple of episodes or so).

All you need are:

index-card-plot-hog sharpie-plot-hog




The Plot Hog is a highly-trained specimen, whose seventh-sense leads him to the absolute best choice with 99.3% accuracy. As his eyesight is bloody awful, he cannot cheat and read the cards, led only by his strong magnetic sense of Snyderian cattery.

In this demonstration, I will choose the murderer for my next mystery novel with Plot Hog.

First, I form a list of likely suspects and devote a whole index card to each precious one.



As you can see, the Plot Hog’s unerring sense of plot leads him to seek out the Hot Blonde, stomping on the card with his almighty claw.


As with all techniques, this has some limitations. Plot Hog’s optimal run time is after dark, with peak operation between midnight and three a.m.. He also requires occasional refuelling with mealworms and approximately one tablespoon of dried cat food in twenty-four hours. Always remember to recharge your Plot Hog to ensure that he can meet all your plot needs.

Plot Hog is a versatile writing tool that you will never be able to put down (except when he spikes your hands and you drop him). Drop me a comment to find out how to source one of your very own!

[DISCLAIMER: No hedgheogs were harmed in the making of this post.]

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